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Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress;

so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God, until that he have mercy upon us. Psalm 123:2

Nobody wants to admit they’re a wallflower, but some of us are. For those of you out there too young to understand, let me elucidate. According to, a wallflower is: A person who, because of shyness, unpopularity, or lack of a partner, remains at the side at a party or dance.

Wallflower is old-fashioned imagery which perfectly describes the sharp, painful feeling of being unaccepted and unlovely. The moments in life when bald abandonment and betrayal steal our breath away. It’s a psychological no-man’s-land no one wants to experience, let alone admit to; not the kind of thing they prepare you for in life in grandiose graduation speeches.

I’ll put my big-girl panties on and own that I’ve felt like a wallflower all my life. To be fair, people have treated me that way, and my inner introvert encouraged it. The problem is that, even in 2021, if you are a semi-presentable single female without a man, and not on the hunt for one through dating platforms, trolling social media, encouraging family matchmakers or hanging out in bars, you are so odd a ball people don’t even know how to talk to you! Conversations are uncomfortable; no easy social openers about your successful marriage, beautiful children, fabulous career, or luxurious holidays. Let’s face it - when you are deep in ministry, chasing God and getting long in the tooth in the process, you are a social embarrassment. Count on whole events going by without anyone honoring your presence with one single personal question. Happens all the time. You are a social non-entity; invisible.

I can understand the machinery that condemns you a wallflower; I’ve grown toughened to it. The part that really offends me however, is when God treats me like one. And not just me, but so many other fabulous and worthy single Christians that I know. Most are longing to find a godly mate and settle down to the rhythm of home and family; of being loved and celebrated for their own unique selves. Aren’t we invited to dance? Are we stuck forever against the wall, unworthy of the privileges others take so obnoxiously for granted? So pathetic we cannot be trusted with our own happily-ever-afters? We lone singles have prayed and believed faithfully for literally decades, waiting patiently for the promises, only to delay another year, still unresolved. And suffer the added insult of contempt heaped upon us.

What’s the hold-up? What’s the problem God? You said yourself “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) and it doesn’t do a thing for the girls, either! “Two are better than one”, so where are our partners? How long, Lord, will you look on your handmaiden’s tear-stained faces and worn-out garments, and do nothing? How long will their laboring go without reward? When are you going to call our names, pull us away from the wall, and lead us onto the dance-floor, Jesus?

My favorite moments in Scripture are the ones when the Lord suddenly whirls passionately into a situation and summons the wallflowers. He sent Gabriel to inform Zachariah his prayers were heard. He pulled Joseph out of the prison and plunked him in the palace, and nearly scared Moses out of his skin with burning bush intimacy. After much sorrow, Hannah got her beautiful baby. It dawns on me that time after time, the wallflower-underachievers are the ones God has carefully kept hidden under His hand, deep in His quiver, for their ordained moment to hit the mark. Maybe the spiritual name for wallflower is really “Nazarite”.

When I have nothing, in danger of failing in hope or drowning in envy of others, I cling passionately to the Word. In the end, I always come back to this anchor.

God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? Numbers 23:19

This year, I’m believing God for special endowments of favor on all the godly singles out there. It’s our turn. If you have some in your life, please pray their desires would be fulfilled. Just for the record, this Schulamite ain’t goin’ home till she gets her swan-song.

Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together: for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13

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